I think I’ve mentioned before my opinion of Clive Cussler’s books, and his rugged, sexy, green-eyed hero Dirk Pitt in particular?
In case you missed my opinion that a Cussler book is an utter and complete insult to the very art form of novel-writing… in case you never picked up on the fact that I can’t pick up a Dirk Pitt novel without metaphorically tearing it in to itsy-bitsy pieces… Well. Suffice it to say that I’m not really a fan.
However, I have accepted the tragic fact that many people are fans of Cussler and his fantasy-alter-ego Dirk Pitt, he of the opaline green eyes and veritable volcano of charisma. The books continue to sell. They even made a movie once, did you know that? Sahara, starring Matthew McConaughey. I saw the trailer for it, and it actually looked pretty entertaining because it knew the story was unbelievable and the character completely impossible to portray in a serious way. I’ve heard that Cussler actually hated the movie. Figures.
Speaking of figures, well, that’s why I’m bringing up such a painful subject at all. I recently became aware of three rather disturbing facts relating to Dirk Pitt:
- They made action figured based on the movie. Yes, an action figure of Dirk Pitt.
- I have friends who are the type to discover this kind of thing. These are friends who, in addition, know my address.*
- I now own an action figure of Dirk Pitt.
As any reader of Clive Cussler knows — where Dirk is, adventure happens! But as far as I know, Dirk has never actually lived anywhere where he had to observe actual household life in action. Even though he ended up with two kids, his lover considerately kept that knowledge hidden from him until they were of age and all he had to do was get them a job.
So between you and me, I’m pretty sure that Dirk’s going to find life in the Jones House a minefield of bewilderment. And don’t you worry — I’ll be on hand to document his adventures.
More to come.
*Why yes, It would be Swanson the Second who is responsible for this travesty. You don’t get a prize for guessing the obvious, sorry.