Dear Tooth Fairy

Thursday
Dear Tooth Fairy,
Sparkler lost a tooth, so be sure to gladden her young heart and do that tooth-exchange thing we talked about!
Love, SJ

Friday
Dear Tooth Fairy,
You ought to have the hang of this by now. Kids have been losing teeth in this household for eight years. It’s always the same routine: they lose tooth, you take tooth, you leave money. Remember how we talked about that? Yes? Okay, great! Tonight’s the night!
Love, SJ

Saturday Morning
Dear Tooth Fairy,
Exactly what is the problem here?

As you requested, we don’t even do the traditional “under the pillow” trick anymore. We do the “tape an envelope to the outside of your door” trick. But here it is, two days later, and that envelope has entirely too much tooth in it.

Patiently, SJ

Saturday Night
Oh, “you’re just so busy with life,” are you? Don’t think I didn’t see those photos of you at Disney World from this past weekend! Maybe if Sparkler slept for a hundred years, you’d get around to the tooth?

Get on the job, Tooth Fairy.
Sternly, SJ

Sunday
Dental Removal Fae-being? No, I am not calling you that. It’s not even clever. Besides, you’re not into “dental removal” anyway. It’s more like “Dentally Neglectful Imp” Or “Dentophobic Pixie.” Or “Sorry excuse for a cherished childhood dream.”

Are you going to get the tooth or not?
Fed up, SJ

Monday
Dear Tooth Fairy,

Fine.

You were “too busy seeing friends.” I get it. We just aren’t a priority. Oh, and I know who you were hanging out with — Santa. And that explains a lot. We’ve done all of his shopping and wrapping for years. Did he ever show up to do anything except try to take credit? No.

I see how it’s going to be. And you’re fired.

We’ll just do it ourselves from now on. It’s not like we can do much worse.
Disgusted, SJ

***

Dear Friends: Please consider giving $1.99 to help with tooth fairy expenses and get a new collection of original short stories in return!  /shameless plug

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