|Woman getting ready for church
Pants or skirt?
Lay out dress on bed.Which undergarments?
> Pro: keeps me from lumping and jiggling so much. Lumping and jiggling is bad because it’s unattractive. Even if you’re nearly forty and no longer looking for a mate and in fact have proven your capacity to attract and reproduce with great proficiency. A lumpy, jiggly body indicates that you are lax in your physical upkeep, and probably morally suspect also.
> Fine. I’ll wear the girdle.
* Slip, because we must not reveal that we have legs underneath our dress.
> Options: long white slip, long black slip, long white slip… where is my short white slip?!
> Short black slip will have to do. Hope it doesn’t show through the light pink dress.
> Where’s the nail polish? I thought I had clear nail polish to stop a run. Fine, I’ll use my daughter’s turquoise.
* Strapless bra? No, strap will work. Hallelujah for an easy decision.
> Wait, nude, black or colored?
Get dressed. Hope I don’t have to use the bathroom for the next 3 hours.
> Boots don’t look good with knee-length dress.
Change to ankle-length skirt.
Boots look great.
Jewelry! Love this gold bracelet!
Necklace! Too long. Wrong color. Too heavy. Too delicate. Busy pattern. How about this one? Great.
Hair and makeup.
[Fade to black for the sake of the world’s sanity]
Ready to go!
|Man getting ready for church
Shirt and tie or suit?
What color shirt? They’re all the same style, so… How about red? That looks good.
Which tie? They’re basically the same style, but this striped red and gray looks really good.
Where are my black shoes? I guess I could wear my brown ones if I have to. Oh, here they are.
Run comb through hair.
Ready to go!