Getting Dressed on Sunday Morning: A Chart

Woman getting ready for church

Pants or skirt?
* Special occasion at church, so a dress.

Which length?
* Above knee? At knee? Ankle? Weather is warmish, so at knee.

Lay out dress on bed.Which undergarments?
* Girdle
> Con: tight and a little restrictive.

> Pro: keeps me from lumping and jiggling so much. Lumping and jiggling is bad because it’s unattractive. Even if you’re nearly forty and no longer looking for a mate and in fact have proven your capacity to attract and reproduce with great proficiency. A lumpy, jiggly body indicates that you are lax in your physical upkeep, and probably morally suspect also.

> Fine. I’ll wear the girdle.

* Slip, because we must not reveal that we have legs underneath our dress.

> Options: long white slip, long black slip, long white slip… where is my short white slip?!

> Short black slip will have to do. Hope it doesn’t show through the light pink dress.

* Pantyhose
> Black, nude, white, or colored? This one has a run in it. Good, it’s above the knee.

> Where’s the nail polish? I thought I had clear nail polish to stop a run. Fine, I’ll use my daughter’s turquoise.

* Strapless bra? No, strap will work. Hallelujah for an easy decision.

> Wait, nude, black or colored?

Get dressed. Hope I don’t have to use the bathroom for the next 3 hours.

Choose shoes.
* Where are my white flats? All I can find are my black flats, my black heels, and my black knee boots. Ooh, boots!

> Boots don’t look good with knee-length dress.

Change to ankle-length skirt.

Boots look great.

Jewelry! Love this gold bracelet!
* Where are my gold earrings? Can you mix silver and gold jewelry these days? Oh, whew, here are some gold earrings.

Necklace! Too long. Wrong color. Too heavy. Too delicate. Busy pattern. How about this one? Great.

Hair and makeup.

[Fade to black for the sake of the world’s sanity]

Ready to go!

Man getting ready for church

Shirt and tie or suit?
* Special occasion, so suit.

What color shirt? They’re all the same style, so… How about red? That looks good.

Which tie? They’re basically the same style, but this striped red and gray looks really good.

Where are my black shoes? I guess I could wear my brown ones if I have to. Oh, here they are.

Run comb through hair.

Ready to go!

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One thought on “Getting Dressed on Sunday Morning: A Chart

  1. I skip slips most of the time. On the very rare occasion that I wear a dress. But I guess I don’t have many light colored dresses (and the one I have is lined).

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