Mock-a-Meme 8: Curves

“Real women have curves” is the alleged antidote to our society’s idea of “thin is beautiful.” After all, give a woman permission to have solid thighs and a substantial rear end, and she’ll be empowered!

Just make sure you do the curves right, okay honey?

Even in that anthem for “curvy women,” Meghan Trainor’s All About that Bass, all the women in the video are wearing serious shaping and firming underwear:

Bass
Full disclosure: I like this song.

The message is pretty clear: if you have to be big, make sure you’ve got all the right junk in all the right places.

Marilyn Curves

Assuming you’ve got curves like Marilyn Monroe.  And we all know how well that worked for her.

Curve

After all, as my friend pointed out, this meme would mean a lot more to him if you added an S in a strategic spot.

Marilyn Crowd

Because the reason most of us don’t fit in with the crowd is because we’re gorgeous and rich and emotionally volatile like Marilyn Monroe.

Knock

My apologies for the bad word, although it’s a pretty standard feature of memes. In fact, in this context, it’s generally a compliment — the female equivalent of “he’s got balls.” So in case you’re wondering, this meme doesn’t make any sense. But why bother with making sense when you can wear shorts and a sweater that display aallll your virtues?

Queen

Or, alternatively, somebody will stand up, fix her hair, and say, “You hit like a…”

Fries

Because if we’re going to attach worth and significance to the perfect shape, we might as well make it something yummy like French fries.

Thanks to the friends who sent me memes to mock. Keep ’em coming!

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