[Dreamy&Spiritual Blogger Template]

There’s a certain class of blogger who drives me up the wall. It’s the dreamy-poetic-spiritual writer who generally has a pretty good point if you can make it through the choking marsh of words to get there. I’m perfectly aware that these bloggers have about a billion more regular readers than I do. Obviously they’re doing something righter than I am.

So after some study, I’ve distilled the basic template of this type of blog post. Pretty soon, I too can write oblique exhortations that get shared all over the internet despite the fact that my grasp of the exact meaning and use of words is as fluid as my poetic prose.

Or, on second thought, I’ll just make fun of them.

Dreamy-Spiritual Blog Template

Rambling Title & Use of An Ampersand

So begin a sentence with a conjunction as if you’re in the middle of a conversation even though it’s the first and only and newest post on this subject, & list several somewhat unrelated items. Verbing nouns or doing the leaving of nouns off, and connect them all with other conjunctions — dashes enhance the impression of a flow of thoughts. End with a profound thought.

Repeat your profound thought.

[captionless artsy photograph that has nothing to do with your subject]

[captionless artsy photograph that has nothing to do with your subject]

[captionless artsy photograph that has nothing to do with your subject]

So start the next sentence as if you weren’t interrupted by pointless photographs. Use italics to emphasize your run-on and poetic and surrealistic sentences.

[captionless artsy photograph that has nothing to do with your subject]

Bible verse in italics, possibly with some words bolded.

So make your profound point again as if talking to yourself although you’re obviously writing for an audience.

Italicize your point. Illuminate it by pairing a poetic-sounding word with a verbed noun, which doesn’t make actual sense, but it’s all about glistering feels.

[captionless artsy photograph that has nothing to do with your subject]

Make.

Your.

Profound.

Point.

Again.

Ask a question in italics?

Result: 5867 Comments and 10989 Shares and a Vast Population of Encouraged Women and One Disgruntled Non-fan.

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “[Dreamy&Spiritual Blogger Template]

  1. These types of posts bug me a little too – swirly, tormented writing from the heart, not the imagination – but then I worry I may be writing them by accident and not noticing

  2. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time waiting to see if you would remember the periods. between. each. word. of. the. sentence.
    Thank you for pointing out that over -used style.

    • Rose, I nearly did forget it. But I glanced over one of those posts and it reminded me of this important stylistic device that hasn’t at all lost its effect through overuse.

  3. Remember when people use to throw parties and invite writers because their conversational repartee was every bit as intelligent as their writing? And people CAME to those parties BECAUSE that’s precisely what they expected those parties to HAVE? Me neither, because apparently that era has drowned in essential oils, emojis, and all the leftover gluten that they took out of the gluten-free products….

    • Josh, if somebody throws a party like that for you, I will definitely come. If you promise to be funny and intelligent and NOT verb any of your nouns or talk about essential oils.

    • What is this “plan” of which you speak? 🙂 It’s been in my head for a while, though.

      You’re welcome to use periods, but if you use them in addition to uncaptioned photos that have nothing to do with your subject, I *will* laugh at you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s