Dear Mr&Mrs Jones: From the Babysitter


The trouble with having children is that in order to go on with your life as adults, you occasionally have to get people to babysit the kids. About 74% of the time, the kids are great and the babysitter has a good time. But when our kids were younger, they definitely put in for that other 26%.

DJ wrote up this “helpful form” for our old blog in May of 2006. Bookgirl was 4, Gamerboy was 3, and I was pregnant with Sparkler. We never lost any electronics during our absence, but I do wish that section under “Bedtime” wasn’t a transcript of actual events.

We’re moving out of the babysitter phase now, but I think this deserves the repost.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Jones,

Welcome home! Tonight, the kids were:
___ Perfect little angels.
___ Minor saints.
___ Rambunctious hippopotami.
___ I am joining a Reformed church due to my new-found belief in the total depravity of man.

As a special craft for you, the kids:
___ Put together this sweet valentine’s heart with their handprint in the middle.
___ Assembled a puzzle.
___ Dropped juice and Cheerios all over the floor.
___ The electrician and plumber are both scheduled for tomorrow; the TV repairman said it’s inoperable; and the carpenter said he should be able to patch the holes in the wall sometime next week.

Before bedtime, we:
___ Read a story, prayed, and went right to bed.
___ Had a snack. Okay, three snacks.
___ Talked several times about the necessity of obedience.
___ Read a Bible story, had storytime candy, took a bath, brushed teeth, put on pajamas, took off pajamas, went to the bathroom, put on new pajamas, read a story, got into bed, prayed, told a story, told another story, left the door ajar, pitched a major fit because the nightlight wasn’t plugged into the correct outlet, coughed until he threw up, and finally fell asleep halfway out the bedroom door into the hall.

After the kids went to bed, I:
___ Did the dishes and swept the floor.
___ Picked up the toys.
___ Watched a video.
___ Heard you driving into the driveway as I was screaming into a pillow.

___ I’d love to do this again!
___ Let’s discuss payment for next time.
___ Don’t call me, I’ll call you.
___ Have you considered the major benefits of a continent* marriage?

— The Babysitter

* From New Advent’s Catholic Encyclopedia: Continence may be defined as abstinence from even the licit gratifications of marriage.


One thought on “Dear Mr&Mrs Jones: From the Babysitter

  1. This was the best!!! Did you ever consider payment based on answers? When hiring a babysitter I always look for my opposite; extroverted, loves children, loves to do arts and crafts (and clean up the mess afterwards). And never distracted by the phone or computer.

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