Love, SJ: Couponing, Characters, and Facebook Memes

Dear Life,

Next time we feel pressured to conform to someone else’s priorities, we’ll flash our dimples and say, “It’s all about balance, isn’t it?” That’s a nicer thing to say that, “That thing that’s so important to you? Frankly, I don’t really care about it.”

Love, SJ

*

Dear Life,

We probably shouldn’t try this trick with our spouse, though. For one thing, he knows that we sometimes are not always very nice so he wouldn’t really fall for it.

Love, SJ

*

Dear Characters in my novel,

Yes, I know you’ve been stuck in revisions for a couple of weeks. I’ve been unusually busy. It’s all about balance, isn’t it?

P.S. Before I get back to this scene, y’all had better clean up all the pizza boxes off the lawn. And that had better not be beer cans I saw, because at least three of you are underage.

Love, SJ

*

Dear Couponing,

I’m sorry, we tried to make it work. But I can’t play your games anymore. $3 off if I buy $25 worth of items? $1.50 if I use it between certain dates (not today)? What you’re saying is that if I meet your conditions exactly, maybe you’ll give me a little bit back as a reward?

You know what that is? Dysfunctional, that’s what. I’m moving on, I hope to a retail relationship with no expiration date.

Love, SJ

*

Dear Characters in novel,

Okay, whoever spelled out “SJ (heart) Nicholas Sparks” on the lawn using beer cans — very funny, haha. Shape up, people.

Love, SJ

*

Dear Facebook memes,

Why are most inspirational quotes paired up with pictures of slender women in cute clothes? Can’t a slightly pudgy woman in a Carbon Leaf t-shirt be inspiring too? What message are you really sending here?

Love, SJ

*

Dear Time Change,

If I used terms like “suck,” I’d say you do it.

Love, SJ

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