The Practice of the Presence of Paleo

This is the part of the blog where SJ comes out and makes fun of something she doesn’t really know much about.

For a while now I’ve heard of the paleo diet. It’s summed up briefly as: If cavemen couldn’t eat it, then neither should you. That translates into a lot of meat, vegetables, and nuts — and no grains, breads, or refined sugar.

It’s not a bad idea for general eating guidelines. If you’ve got allergies, it’s probably pretty helpful.

Guidelines? Pretty helpful? Um, no. From the websites and recipes I’ve dipped into, we’re talking about a lifestyle of moral rightness here.

It’s clearly the right way to eat, and in today’s society, good eating equals good morality.

One website explains the dilemma succinctly:

The average Homo Sapien back then: tall, muscular, agile, athletic, and incredibly versatile.

The average Homo Sapien now: overweight, out of shape, stressed out, unhappy, sleep deprived and dying from a myriad of preventable diseases.

I was really interested in this bit of research. Those lucky tall, muscular, agile ancient people! No stress from trying to survive day to day, no insomnia as they huddled in their caves and shelters. No dying from preventable causes, like infections or a snakebite. All because of what they ate!

These remarkable ancients also had access to a wide variety of edibles, judging from the complicated recipes I’ve seen. They lived in some beautiful prehistoric world where they could gather almonds, arrowroot, and honey all at the same time. They then could grind them into flour and press the oil out of them. This way they ate a very satisfying, healthful diet that allowed them to live without stress and preventable diseases.

It all went bad when they abandoned their hunter-gatherer ways and fell into the moral gray area of “agriculture.” Suddenly they wanted to settle in communities and eat plentiful grains. They stopped keeping lean and athletic by chasing animals and wandering miles trying to gather enough edible leaves and nuts to survive. Kind of makes you wonder what they were even thinking. Who would rather be overweight and alive than muscular and dead?

That’s the background, in a sketchy, not-actually-knowledgeable format. I have gleaned this much, though: if a true conversion to the paleo lifestyle is beyond your scope, you can kind of make do as long as you include the single essential element in any morally healthful lifestyle.

Coconut.

Coconut is the modern-day staff of life. Turns out it even comes in a Trinity: oil, flour, and butter. DJ and I refer to it as The Holy Oil of Coconut. From what I’ve read, coconut oil is good for cooking, baking, sunscreen, moisturizer, soothing burns, dental health, makeup remover, conditioner, coffee creamer, ear infections, and polishing leather.

Rumors are that it will also improve your sex life, help you resolve conflicts in your relationships, and feed your dog when you go on vacation.

Those ancients didn’t know how good they had it, probably because most of them didn’t live past forty. Fortunately now we can read a book that tells us how to live the paleo way. Haha, not literally. Nobody’s telling us to go hunt rabbits in our back yard and gather fruits from our neighbor’s plum tree. All we need is to read that book and have enough money to afford all the meat, produce, and specialized ingredients. Just like our ancestors!

 In the name of the flour, the butter, and the holy oil of coconut. Amen.

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5 thoughts on “The Practice of the Presence of Paleo

  1. It strikes me as funny that (according to your explanation anyway) all you need to do to live like our healthy ancestors did, is to read the book and shop for food that, thanks to AGRICULTURE, other people have grown and
    gathered for you. Then you can be just like the cavemen….but a lot more conveniently. 🙂

    • Exactly, Rose. All the while ruing the state that our society has come to, where we’re overweight and stressed-out, globally connected, generally literate, and produce dazzling technology.

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