Ever since I got a phone without a physical keyboard, I’ve had to use an onscreen one. It utilizes an exciting, innovative technology called “Swype.” I don’t have to press the individual keys; I merely drag my finger along the keyboard, hitting each letter in order, and Swype “intuits” what I want to say.
But I’m not very good at drag-spelling, and Swype isn’t really very intuitive. When I drag my finger in the area of Y-O-U-R, my phone is convinced that I want to say something about Thor. Likewise, when I need to say “No,” it just can’t believe I don’t want to say “Moo.”
So when I’m typing, Swype butts into the conversation and suggests that I say things I never, ever wanted to. Recent attempts at communication included these misfires:
What I wanted to say: “We saw 2 hot air balloons.”
What Swype wanted to say: “We saw 2 got shot.”
What I wanted to say: “Happy anniversary! Hope your celebration is great!”
What Swype wanted to say: “Happy anniversary! Hope Thor vertebrate is great!”
What I wanted to say: “Coming home!”
What Swype made me say [after several attempts]: “Viking home! Moo, chiming home. Moo, coming home. Stupid Swype.”
So, yeah. I have a rocky relationship with my phone.
Or, as Swype likes to say, we have a rocky teriyaki.