Dear Person on Your Phone,
Could you put down your phone for a second? It’ll just take a minute. I’d like to lecture you in a gentle, patronizing, extremely guilt-inducing way.
I’m at the bank, or the library, or the park, and I’m bored. I keep looking around and seeing all these people staring at their phones. It looks like a mind-controlled cult from a bad TV show. All of a sudden, some vague feelings within me have clarified. I suddenly know what’s wrong with our society, and especially what’s wrong with kids today.
It’s you. You and your phone.
You say you’re socializing online. But I know — without knowing you or anything about you — that your friends online aren’t real friends. You should get off your phone and talk to people around you! They feel neglected and alone! Like me. I’m bored over here.
And hey you — young mom! Your kids are playing at the park, and you’re on your phone! I see your kids being cute, and I know I’ll never see this moment again. So I think you should appreciate these very moments right now! I’m going to completely discount the fact that you obviously spend a lot more time with them than I do. I’m going to assume that you never, ever put down your phone. I’m going to make you feel guilty for making space for yourself, for trying to find half an hour when you’re not answering to the constant, unending demands for your attention and interaction.
Now, if people were reading books, that would be different. If you shut out your kid because of a book, you’re being a good role model by showing a love for reading. Because, you know, books.
But not phones, because those are new, electronic, and they annoy me.
This is what’s wrong with society. I’ve got it all figured out. And I’m really relieved it’s your fault, not mine. I don’t use my phone much.
Please post this so all your online friends can read it on their phones.
A concerned and righteous person with no appreciation for irony.